My Secret Diary


10th May



1:05 PM:          Eight fierce Fat-Cats arrived and interrogated us - it was awful. They asked hundreds of questions in deep, threatening voices. Nervously, I tried to explain that we didn’t mean any harm and all we wanted was for all cats to be happy.

The leader, a three legged Siamese, with a patch over his left eye, said there wasn’t enough happiness to go round and that he wasn’t going to give up any of his happiness for some dumb little orphan kittens. When I tried to explain that happiness didn’t work like that he struck me repeatedly across the face. He wouldn’t stop hitting me until I said, “Happiness is the exclusive privilege of the rich,” twenty times.

They are now deciding our fate. From the few words I can overhear, I don’t think any of my nine lives will be left intact. I will never see Snowball or my humans again.


4:00 PM:          A miracle happened! About an hour ago we heard a commotion outside. The Manx guards were agitated and shouted “Keep back or we’ll claw your ears off.” The noise got louder; we could hear the sound of a large angry mob coming closer and closer. The guards screamed furiously but soon this turned to screeches of fear and pain. Suddenly the cellar door was smashed open and, in the dim light, we saw dozens and dozens of cats piling in through the doorway. A fierce battle ensued in the darkness of the cellar; amidst it all I was grabbed from behind by the Siamese leader. “You will die for your part in this insurgence,” he hissed. I was so angry that for a moment I forgot I was a socialist - I lashed out and scratched his good eye. As he reeled back in agony he was clobbered on the head by Susie’s friend. Five minutes later, the fighting was over and the Fat-Cats and the guards had fled.


23:35 We spend the evening celebrating. This has been a great victory for all sleeping class cats!


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Philosophy for Cats

Philosophy for Cats is a collection of wit and wisdom from the greatest cat philosophers that ever skulked our planet. From renowned thinkers of the past such as Catfuscious and Cuddles Darwin to modern philosophers such as Miss Fluffy and Snowball, this little book is crammed to the tip of its whiskers with gems of knowledge. Whether you are a cat, a human or indeed a member of any other species, you will benefit greatly from reading the thoughts of Catkind’s most eminent intellectuals. So read on and prepare to be amazed and amused at this fascinating insight into the lives of cats.

The pessimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half empty. The optimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half full. The wise cat sees the bowl and eats the cream.
- M. T. D’Lemma, 1908

I overheard my human say, “You are what you eat”. This is very worrying, for today I’ve eaten three mice and four frogs.
- Anx Hiety, 2011

I meow therefore I am.
I sleep therefore I am happy.
I purr therefore I am adored.
- René Descats, 1666

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My human, Stuart, asked me to tell you all that he writes books (they are very good but don't tell him I said so) One of his books is a fantasy novel for boys and girls - it is called Medusa Island. Have a look!!!


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Medusa Island

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