My Secret Diary

 

13th January

I went to see Lucky today. Took the long route avoiding the Lane for I feel attached to my ears and have no desire to lose them. Lucky’s tail was all bandaged up! He told me that he got so angry at the parrot’s taunts that he put my advice into action. He crept up and knocked her perch over as planned. But, when he tried to grab her, she jumped on his back and tore lumps off his tail. Poor Lucky had to go to the vet to get an anti-parrot-disease injection. Now Polly squawks, “Arrrrr, me hearties, who’s a pretty stupid little pussy?”

 

Met Snowball on the way home. She wants me to win her heart by challenging Killer to a duel. Really, how barbaric. What century does she live in? Modern etiquette dictates that the way to woo a lady-cat is to present her with a love token such as a decapitated mouse or a comatose robin.

 

The contents of my tray still litter the kitchen floor. Trails of gooey white footprints cover the carpets. Come back Skirt, all is forgiven.



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