My Secret Diary


16th May

(St. Whiskas Day - Patron Saint of Overindulgence.)


When I awoke this morning the living room was full of brightly colored parcels. I was very excited. I love opening parcels. I love ripping paper too. But the moment I started, Skirt came rushing in yelling “bad boy.” I think “bad boy” translates into Cat-Language as “go for it” so it was confusing that she was telling me to tear open the parcels and at the same time hitting me with a towel. Humans never know what they want!


Brat came to help me open the presents - Skirt didn’t hit him with the towel. It took ages to unwrap everything but I am please to report that I got; a big blue ball, a toy car, a red plastic gun, a cuddly purple teddy bear, a tin of sticky tacky bouncy rubbery stuff, two jumpers, a pair of shoes and four big boxes with unidentifiable things in them. I have no use for the jumpers and shoes, so Brat can have these.

I scooped out the contents of the biggest box and spent an hour exploring the inside. Boxes are fascinating - they seem to posses mysterious qualities - I think one day it will be discovered that they contain secret portals into cat utopia.


Trillions of Brat’s friends came to the house and we had a brilliant party. The best part was bursting the balloons. I was best at it. The final balloon-bursting score was Me 8 - Brat’s Friends 1. The girl with the yellow dress got so excited when I burst her balloon that she cried until she nearly burst. Skirt served up big dishes of ice-cream and jelly but forgot to give me one. I ate as much as I could steal from the plates and am now so full I need to sleep. It has been a fun day!


Brat had a fun day too - he was sick all over his bedroom carpet.



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Philosophy for Cats

Philosophy for Cats is a collection of wit and wisdom from the greatest cat philosophers that ever skulked our planet. From renowned thinkers of the past such as Catfuscious and Cuddles Darwin to modern philosophers such as Miss Fluffy and Snowball, this little book is crammed to the tip of its whiskers with gems of knowledge. Whether you are a cat, a human or indeed a member of any other species, you will benefit greatly from reading the thoughts of Catkind’s most eminent intellectuals. So read on and prepare to be amazed and amused at this fascinating insight into the lives of cats.

The pessimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half empty. The optimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half full. The wise cat sees the bowl and eats the cream.
- M. T. D’Lemma, 1908

I overheard my human say, “You are what you eat”. This is very worrying, for today I’ve eaten three mice and four frogs.
- Anx Hiety, 2011

I meow therefore I am.
I sleep therefore I am happy.
I purr therefore I am adored.
- René Descats, 1666

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