My Secret Diary


19th April


10:00 PM:        No peace again! Brat-2 is so noisy his tonsils must be breaking the sound barrier.


11:00 PM:        To a background of screeching and yelling, I wrote a letter to the Queen:


Dear Queen,

In your Royal Isolation at the Crystal Palace, you are probably unaware of the problems that afflict your subjects. I wish to bring to your attention the fact that there is a terrible outbreak of Nappy-Rash sweeping the country. You may recall that in 1665 the Great Plague wiped out half of London and left the other half guilt ridden for not dying. I feel that if you do not act immediately Nappy-Rash could become the new great plague. It is certainly stopping me from getting any sleep!

Yours Sincerely Adrian Cat.


P.S. While you are fixing the Nappy-Rash problem could you also have Killer hung, drawn and quartered for terrorizing the neighborhood and ruining my love life.


11:50 PM:        Placed letter beside the Post Box. It is a very regal red box with the Queen’s personal initials carved on the front; QE 11. On the back of the box, in yellow paint are the words, ‘Big Bob was here.’ I expect Big Bob must be one of the Queen’s close friends.

She will get my letter soon - it’s very exciting.



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