My Secret Diary


19th February


8:22 AM:          Started today with a new outlook on life. I am completely over Snowball and feel better than ever (though in a forlorn and dejected sort of way). Decided to fulfill my New Yearís Resolution of promoting world peace between cats, dogs and mice. This is my chance to make a long term contribution to catkind. If I can pull this off, cats will no longer need to live in fear of dogs.


11:30 AM:        Full of enthusiasm I headed for the park to spread my message of goodwill. The first dog I bumped into was a huge Alsatian. Perhaps it would have been better if I hadnít bumped into him for, as he rubbed his bruised leg, he said some unrepeatable things about cats in general and about me in particular. Undaunted, I revealed my plan for cats and dogs to live in harmony. He didnít seem to understand for he began to snarl at me through flesh ripping teeth. Assuming he was just a bit stupid I repeated my plan slowly and loudly. Even that didnít work and before I could get out of the way his saliva foaming mouth was around my tail. Not exactly a sign of friendship!

With the most fearful hiss I could manage under these circumstances, I dug my claws into the mad beastís eyes making him release his grip. While the brute barked profanities, I made my escape. I ran until I was out of breath and collapsed on the grass. It took me an hour to recover my dignity.


2:55 PM:         Realized that I had been too ambitious in starting my campaign with such a big dog. It would be better to start at ground level and work my way up.  Carefully I selected my next convert, a tiny white Scottish Terrier.  He looked so cute and friendly but I soon discovered that these dogs should really be called Scottish Terrorists! 


6:04 PM:         Postponed plans for world peace between cats and dogs but will try to create a treaty between cats and mice. I positioned myself at a suitable spot on the canal bank and lay stock-still. Within a few minutes a mouse came running up from the waters edge. I trapped her gently under a paw and told her not to be afraid - but she squeaked in panic. I began to explain my plan but she was so busy trying to escape she wouldnít listen. The foolish beast started gibbering on about some Geneva Convention nonsense. Hitting her on the head failed to get her attention. By now I was ready to give up - sadly it looks like there will never be world peace between cats, dogs and mice. This is such a pity for I felt an inner compassion for this wee, sleekit, cow'rin', tim'rous beastie. I felt that, although we were completely different species, we shared a common bond through the spirit of Mother Earth - kindred souls in the harsh struggle of life. But, being peckish, I ate her. With a glow of satisfaction, that I had at least tried to create world peace, I headed home.


9:50 PM:         Tired and aching after a day of peacemaking I crossed out resolution number eight.

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