(Season of Coitus Cravings.)
5:05 AM: Woke up early, with a
strange feeling. It’s like electricity flowing up through my
legs, whizzing around my body, duffing up all my internal organs
then shooting out of my whiskers. I can’t stop thinking about
Snowball and have a great urge to go and see her. In fact,
forget breakfast - I’m going right now.
8:40 AM: The streets are full of
male cats all acting weird! Some are meowing. Some hissing. Some
screeching. But all are walking like zombies, muttering, “girls
. . . must find girls.” All except Damien, the pretty-boy
Ragdoll who wears pink ribbons - he’s just looking more
bewildered than usual.
Snowball was locked in her house. Her humans
insist it’s not safe for her to go out for a few days. I tried
to smash down the door and nearly cracked my skull.
Jumped in the canal to cool off - but I
2:00 PM: I eventually found Lucky -
wandering the streets aimfully. He said that he wanted to meet a
nice girl, get married and settle down - and do so immediately!
We went to the park and spotted two girls standing beside the
I told Lucky a great chat-up line, ‘How about
coming back to my place to see my wallpaper scratchings.’ He
tried it out on the cute black Bombay cat, (we found out later
that she’s called Suffragette), but she laughed and said, “Get
lost moron or I’ll rip your eyes out.”
Her friend took a liking for me and began
fluttering her eyelashes seductively. She said, “Why don’t you
come back to my place and try out my purple plastic litter
tray.” I have never felt so confused, the feelings in my body
made me want to kiss this exquisitely ugly feline but my heart
wanted me to stay faithful to my much more glamorous true love
Eventually my heart won and I came home,
leaving Lucky desperately chatting to the girls.
8:00 PM: Have taken six cold baths
but still feel very hot and bothered.
11:59 PM: I have not gone to London. I
have not become a famous political activist. I am however, very