My Secret Diary


22nd March


After spending the day at Lucky’s I was in a hurry to get home. Deciding to risk the shortcut through the Lane I looked carefully around for any sign of that beast Killer. The coast appeared to be clear but, just as I reached the end of the lane, Killer leapt down from a wall and almost landed on top of me.

“You puny little scumbag,” he hissed cordially. “Do you think you can get away with stealing my girlfriend?”

“I . . I . . I don’t know wh . . wh . . what you mean,” I protested.

“So you deny your love for Snowball, you coward,” he hissed.

“We are only special-friends,” I whimpered.

“We shall fight to the death,” he announced. “The winner gets Snowball.”

“No need to fight,” I assured him bravely. “You can have Snowball.”

“Okay,” he replied. “I will have Snowball . . . but we still fight to the death.”

“Could we possibly do it tomorrow?” I said. “I really have a dreadful headache right now and I wouldn’t like to die with a headache.”

“Tomorrow? . . . Okay tomorrow at midday.”

My greatest inspiration sometimes comes at the most unexpected of times. That’s the odd thing about being a genius. This was one of those times. A brilliant plan for saving my life popped into my head.

“It’s my right to decide where we fight,” I bluffed.

“I’m happy to kill you anywhere,” he sneered.

“Okay, let’s fight in my garden,” I said. “Be there by twelve.”

I gave him the address and hurried off.


When I got home I stuck my head through the garden fence. “Hey, short legs,” I yelled, “I’m going to pulverize you. Be in your garden at five past twelve tomorrow - if you dare!”

Brutus snarled an unintelligible reply which I assume was his dim-witted way of saying “Yes, my dear neighbor I would indeed like to rip your head off in a fight and will certainly meet you at the prescribed time”.


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