My Secret Diary

 

23rd June

 

7:30 AM:          Overheard Trouser saying, “That good-for-nothing cat is costing us a fortune - he’s got to go.” Not sure who they were talking about but it made me think that I’d better prove what a great mouser I am.

 

10:10 AM:        Caught a young mouse in the alley. Her name is Squeeeek and she seems quite bright. I explained that she had two choices:

a) Being hung, drawn, quartered, and then eaten.

b) Helping me trick my humans.

Fortunately for her she chose the latter option.

 

4:00 PM:          After lots of rehearsing we were ready.  Squeeeek ran across the carpet. Skirt screamed and jumped onto a chair. Squeeeek danced in front of the chair (though I thought her dying swan ballet routine was a bit overacted) I rushed in to save Skirt, grabbed Squeeeek by the tail and carried her out of the house. I have promised Squeeeek a regular supply of cheese to repeat the performance once a month.

 

11:00 PM:        I got extra, extra, extra servings of food today. Oooops! I forgot my diet!

 



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Philosophy for Cats

Philosophy for Cats is a collection of wit and wisdom from the greatest cat philosophers that ever skulked our planet. From renowned thinkers of the past such as Catfuscious and Cuddles Darwin to modern philosophers such as Miss Fluffy and Snowball, this little book is crammed to the tip of its whiskers with gems of knowledge. Whether you are a cat, a human or indeed a member of any other species, you will benefit greatly from reading the thoughts of Catkind’s most eminent intellectuals. So read on and prepare to be amazed and amused at this fascinating insight into the lives of cats.

Extracts:
The pessimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half empty. The optimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half full. The wise cat sees the bowl and eats the cream.
- M. T. D’Lemma, 1908

I overheard my human say, “You are what you eat”. This is very worrying, for today I’ve eaten three mice and four frogs.
- Anx Hiety, 2011

I meow therefore I am.
I sleep therefore I am happy.
I purr therefore I am adored.
- René Descats, 1666

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Medusa Island

 
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