My Secret Diary


24th July

(70 years since scientist Professor Whizkats invented faux cat food. Sadly Whizkats died of food poisoning a few days later.)



10:05 PM:        What a day! My emotions have been put through the washing machine, dish washer and tumble drier!


In the morning I was grabbed from my cell and put into a basket. I was sure I was going to be given the death-penalty. As I was carried through the prison my heart fluttered uncontrollably. Two thoughts dominated my mind; in a civilized society, was the barbaric death-penalty acceptable - even for a heinous crime like stealing a woolly-blue-thingy-with-a-small-tinkly-bell then trying to escape from prison? and was I too late to call my lawyer?

But when the basket was opened I was in my humans’ car - not in the death-penalty room. They were all excited to see me. I was so ecstatic I peed all over Skirt - but she just laughed.

Soon we were home again. Brat was so happy to have me back he gave me lots of presents - the best one is a pink-mouse-on-a-string. For the rest of the day Trousers and Skirt took all the things out of the cases again while Brat and I played chases with my new pink mouse.


It’s so good to be free again.


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Philosophy for Cats

Philosophy for Cats is a collection of wit and wisdom from the greatest cat philosophers that ever skulked our planet. From renowned thinkers of the past such as Catfuscious and Cuddles Darwin to modern philosophers such as Miss Fluffy and Snowball, this little book is crammed to the tip of its whiskers with gems of knowledge. Whether you are a cat, a human or indeed a member of any other species, you will benefit greatly from reading the thoughts of Catkind’s most eminent intellectuals. So read on and prepare to be amazed and amused at this fascinating insight into the lives of cats.

The pessimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half empty. The optimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half full. The wise cat sees the bowl and eats the cream.
- M. T. D’Lemma, 1908

I overheard my human say, “You are what you eat”. This is very worrying, for today I’ve eaten three mice and four frogs.
- Anx Hiety, 2011

I meow therefore I am.
I sleep therefore I am happy.
I purr therefore I am adored.
- René Descats, 1666

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My human, Stuart, asked me to tell you all that he writes books (they are very good but don't tell him I said so) One of his books is a fantasy novel for boys and girls - it is called Medusa Island. Have a look!!!


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Medusa Island

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© 2006, The Secret Diary of Adrian Cat