My Secret Diary

 

26th July

 

7:30 PM Lucky is spending most of his time helping with the kittens. They are a bit of a handful so today I helped out. Cats have an inborn desire for adventure - the kittens are constantly trying to escape from the garden. They’ll squeeze through even the smallest of gaps. It took all three of us to stop them running away. They also fight relentlessly. Ducky is the champion - she has a punch just like her mother. At one point she hit me in the eye - but I think it was an accident.

 

11:00 PM:        Made a stupid mistake. Heard a rat like noise coming from the rose bushes. I took to the ground and slowly edged towards it, getting as close as possible without being seen. I lay in silence and waited. Its dark shape gradually came within pouncing distance.

I jumped. I grabbed. I cried, “Aaaaaaaaghhhhhhh!!!”

It was a hedgehog - a particularly prickly one.

“Sorry,” he said apologetically, as I tried to extract his needle-like spines from my paws and stomach, “but you really should be more careful.”

 

11:58 PM:        I’m still aching from the hedgehog attack.  But even worse than that - I’ve got fleas from somewhere.

 

 



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Philosophy for Cats

Philosophy for Cats is a collection of wit and wisdom from the greatest cat philosophers that ever skulked our planet. From renowned thinkers of the past such as Catfuscious and Cuddles Darwin to modern philosophers such as Miss Fluffy and Snowball, this little book is crammed to the tip of its whiskers with gems of knowledge. Whether you are a cat, a human or indeed a member of any other species, you will benefit greatly from reading the thoughts of Catkind’s most eminent intellectuals. So read on and prepare to be amazed and amused at this fascinating insight into the lives of cats.

Extracts:
The pessimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half empty. The optimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half full. The wise cat sees the bowl and eats the cream.
- M. T. D’Lemma, 1908

I overheard my human say, “You are what you eat”. This is very worrying, for today I’ve eaten three mice and four frogs.
- Anx Hiety, 2011

I meow therefore I am.
I sleep therefore I am happy.
I purr therefore I am adored.
- René Descats, 1666

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Medusa Island

 
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