My Secret Diary


2nd January

2:05 AM:         Felt hungry. When I woke my humans they moaned and groaned pathetically. Eventually Trousers got out of bed and grudgingly served my food. Really! I expect a much better service than this! All I ask is that my humans love me half as much as I love myself - is that so unreasonable?


3:21 AM:         Suddenly had the urge to go for a stroll. I had to meow twelve times before Skirt bothered to get up to open the door. Sometimes I think all the hours I’ve spent training my humans have been a complete waste of time.


3:27 AM:         Changed my mind about the stroll – it was too cold outside. Pounded on the back door but got no response. I had to walk all the way round to the front and hammer on the bedroom window before I was let in.


3:40 AM:         Jumped onto my bed and tried to rest. The most comfortable spot is on Trousers’ tummy but every time I climbed up he rolled over. Couldn’t get cozy on Skirt either. My bed just isn’t big enough for three!


5:52 AM:         Couldn’t sleep properly so I got my humans up for an early breakfast.


6:10 AM:         Wanted to play chase but Skirt and Trousers were slumped on the couch like comatose voles. Typical, they’ve had so much to eat and drink over the past few days they’re incapable of carrying out their duties.


6:13 AM:         Gave my humans the evil-eye to let them know what I think of them. In disgust I went to bed for a short rest.


9:00 PM:         Woke feeling great. Sleep was a great invention.


9:01 PM:         Struck resolution number one off my list. In future I will reward my humans with the respect they deserve - NONE

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