My Secret Diary

 

31st July

St. Ouch’s Day - Patron Saint of Fleas

 

10:06 AM:        Trousers and Skirt have gone mad. They are going from room to room with cans, spraying everything. They’re spraying curtains and carpets and chairs and cushions - in fact everything that doesn’t move. Just in case they decide to spray everything that does move, I’m getting out of here.

 

6:00 PM:          Spent the day lying under the rowan tree enjoying the warmth of the sun. Bobin flew onto the tree and chirped, “You’re not my friend.”

“Why?” I asked

“Why why?” he asked.

“Why why why?” I asked.

He looked puzzled and flew away.

 

Fortunately my humans have stopped being mad but to be safe I have sneaked into the house and I’m hiding under the bed. My whole body is swollen and sore from flea bites. I think someone has opened a restaurant in my fur.

 

11:00 PM:        My humans found me and sprayed me with that awful stuff. I smell so bad I won’t be able to go out in public for a month.

 

 



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Philosophy for Cats

Philosophy for Cats is a collection of wit and wisdom from the greatest cat philosophers that ever skulked our planet. From renowned thinkers of the past such as Catfuscious and Cuddles Darwin to modern philosophers such as Miss Fluffy and Snowball, this little book is crammed to the tip of its whiskers with gems of knowledge. Whether you are a cat, a human or indeed a member of any other species, you will benefit greatly from reading the thoughts of Catkind’s most eminent intellectuals. So read on and prepare to be amazed and amused at this fascinating insight into the lives of cats.

Extracts:
The pessimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half empty. The optimistic cat sees the bowl of cream as being half full. The wise cat sees the bowl and eats the cream.
- M. T. D’Lemma, 1908

I overheard my human say, “You are what you eat”. This is very worrying, for today I’ve eaten three mice and four frogs.
- Anx Hiety, 2011

I meow therefore I am.
I sleep therefore I am happy.
I purr therefore I am adored.
- René Descats, 1666

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Medusa Island

 
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