My Secret Diary

 

7th March

 

Had a quiet morning recovering from my Everest exploits. Woke up to the fabulous bouquet of fresh salmon. Skirt was preparing lunch. I wrapped myself around her legs as a hint that I should get my share. She stopped making lunch and put a portion of Phony-Haggis-in-a-Venison-and-Wine-Soufflé into my bowl. It was time to turn on the charm. With eyes wide open I turned my purr to full volume and stared into her eyes. Extraordinarily, she managed to ignore this and serve lunch for everyone else. I patted Trousers on the leg to remind him that I love salmon. No response - except a playful, “Go away you greedy pest of a cat.” No response either when I tried with Skirt and Brat. With the salmon disappearing fast, I had to resort to desperate measures. I jumped onto the table and took a great big lick of Trousers’ salmon. This technique always works, for humans appear to know the rule, “Anything a cat licks becomes his possession.” Minutes later the salmon was dumped into my bowl and Trousers had a salad.

 



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