My Secret Diary

 

9th February

Woke up with a pain that felt like hundreds of tiny teeth sinking into my neck. A vicious flea dragon was biting me. With a nimble left paw I grabbed the little fiend. As I was about to squash him into pulp he begged for mercy, telling me that his name was Kevin and that he was poverty stricken, starving and homeless. With tears dripping from his tiny eyes, he explained that, after he had become hooked on sniffing moth balls, his wife had ran off with his best friend.  But now he was reformed, had joined Moth Balls Anonymous and was struggling to raise his family of one thousand and four baby fleas all on his own. In the past I would have been taken in by this sob story, but being the tough Ruler-of-the-Lane I canít afford to be sentimental. So I told him that he had just three days to get out of my house forever. I allowed him just one last suck of my blood.

 

Snowball was really glad to see me. Iím still her hero. But she spent most of our time together talking about Killer and how brave he has been since the accident. Apparently being hit by a car is not fatal. I wish I had started my get mega-fit campaign so that I could look ferocious and strong for Snowball. Then she would think only of me!

 

This evening I managed to get onto my new chair. Trousers thought that I didnít really want to sit on it and tried to push me off. I had to scratch his arm twice to convince him that I was happy where I was. But he mistakenly thought I wanted to spend the night outside in the snowy cold - itís just as well Iíve got a shed or I would have frozen to death.



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